Interview with A Mohammedan

This sounds like something from The Onion, but I'm pretty sure it's for real. WND has posted an amazing transcript of radio host Rusty Humphries' interview with some Al Aqsa Martyrs Brigades thugs. Taking into account that their responses came through a translator, I still couldn't help but hear them in Carlos Mencia's hilarious "Islamic Fanatic" voice.

Humphries: Do you not believe it would help matters by not using suicide bombs? I think that's one thing that is very frightening to the world and, by stopping, could that bring more peace to the world?

Aziz: We wanted to stop our suicide attacks. Actually we declared a cease-fire but the Israelis don't help us maintain our cease-fire. They are daily killing Palestinians and daily coming into our cities and villages. The last time was a few hours ago when they came into our camp and we went against them, four hours of clashes and blood. They came to our camps. We did not go to their camps.

Humphries: Why did they come here?

Aziz: They came because they still want to persecute the wanted members of the organizations.

Humphries: What would you expect them to do, just leave you alone and move on?

Aziz: As a part of the cease-fire we are supposed to be free to move freely in our cities and villages. This was the condition of the cease-fire, but unfortunately the Israelis are still persecuting us and are still coming to our houses and villages. Let me ask you a question, if I came to you with my gun towards you making danger how would you react?

(Aziz points his gun toward Humphries and Klein)

Humphries: I would try to defend myself.

Aziz: That is what we are doing. We are trying to defend ourselves.

. . .

Humphries: I have heard this rumor: Jews sent Monica Lewinsky to Bill Clinton so they could run the country? True or false?

Sanakreh: Of course.

Humphries: That is true?

Sanakreh: Yes. OK.

. . .

Humphries: Yasser Arafat died because of poisoning or natural causes?

Sanakreh: The president died of poison.

Humphries: Now I have heard that it is possible, it's one of those things that people said, that he died of homosexuality and AIDS.

Sanakreh: This is not true! If someone says this we will cut his head!

Humphries: I am not saying, I am just asking.

I wonder, was Humphries inching toward the door, or was he struggling to contain his laughter?

Unnamed Terrorist #1: Do you believe in the next world?

Humphries: Yes, I am a Christian.

Unnamed Terrorist #1: Everything we do is because we know one day we will be in front of God and he will be asking us the same as your boss will be asking you – "How is your job, how is he doing?" God will ask us what we did on earth. Did we make a good thing, a bad thing. If we do a good thing he will give us what we deserve, if we do the bad things he will punish us. We make what God asks.

After traveling in Egypt and Turkey, Mark Twain wrote, "the Koran does not permit Mohammedans to drink. Their natural instincts do not permit them to be moral." I'm not a religious person, but I always thought that the God who rewards wanton murder is called Satan.