The Global War On You Know Who

"The West is facing a concerted effort by Islamic jihadists, the motives and goals of whom are largely ignored by the Western media, to destroy the West and bring it forcibly into the Islamic world -- and to commit violence to that end even while their overall goal remains out of reach. That effort goes under the general rubric of jihad."
-- Robert Spencer

Saturday, June 04, 2005

Ask an Imam!


It's like Dear Abby, only you don't risk mobs and riots and death and stuff if you decline to take her advice.

Question 7278 from United States: My wife cooks too much food and it is wasted. Should I punish her or not do anything since she is such a good cook and keeps me happy with sexual items?
My wife cooks so much food and we cannot eat all of it. She feeds some food to our exotic pets, a Mali Uromastyx lizard, poison spitting tree frogs, a tarantulla, a pac-man frog, our two dogs, a cat, and our many saltwater fishes and sharks in a 400 gallon aquarium. [Ed. note: WTF!?]

Is it bad for us to feed very expensive food to our pets or simply put in the garbage disposal? Sometimes even the house cleaning maids get angry over this, and they are not even Muslims. Should I punish my wife by physical hitting her, or should I tell her that I will not give her my sex? Sometimes she thinks hitting her is sex forplay, so I do not know what to do.

Answer 7278
No, you should not physically punish her. rather sit down and explain what bothers you. Communicate your concerns to her verbally. Explain to her that she must cook less and why.

If there is leftover food per chance, you should feed it to the pets instead of disposing of it in the garbage can.

and Allah Ta'ala Knows Best
Mufti Muhammad Kadwa
FATWA DEPT.
Can't make this stuff up, people.

Question 1373: can u take steriods to train yourself for jihad is this allowed?

Answer 1373
It is not permissible to take Stroids to train for Jihaad.

and Allah Ta'ala Knows Best
Mufti Ebrahim Desai
Hmm. Now why would he want to train on steroids when jihad is just a peaceful inner spiritual struggle?

Question 1125: Why is eating pigs haraam [unlawful]?
Answer 1125
There is a saying in English that "a man becomes what he eats." According to physicians and medical experts, pork is a harmful diet. Consumption of swine-flesh creates lowliness in character and destroys moral and spiritual faculties in a man.

Anything, which is harmful for the body, hurts the soul as well. Consumption of swine-flesh reduces the feeling of shame and as such the standard of modesty. Those nations, which consume pork habitually, have a low standard of morality with the result that virginity, chastity and bashfulness are becoming a thing of the past in Europe today. The number of unwed mothers is on the increase despite the use of pills and other contraceptives.

According to a report, 60 to 70% girls in Sweden become mothers before marriage. The formula of "skin to skin is no sin" is having its toll but there is hardly and feeling of shame and remorse over the end-result. Since the European nations have become addicted to wine and pork, sexual freedom with all its attendant evils has got ingrained in their culture.
Pork, huh. And all this time, I thought it was just socialism, multiculturalism, and post-modernism. Silly me!

1 Comments:

At 3:05 AM, Anonymous Darius_LaMonica said...

Good Lord, who the hell are these people writing in???

Those exotic pets (uromastyx, tree frogs [assuming he means poison dart frogs like dendrobates], "pac-man" frogs, and tarantulas) need food items specifically tailored for their dietary needs. Uros are herbovores and should *not* eat animal protein or else their kidneys may fail and the animal can die! Even frogs should have their diets limited to gut-loaded insects sprinkled with mineral powder. The answer from the imam should be "GO ASK A VET!" And hitting her is foreplay??? Geez buddy go see a dominatrix if you want your kicks. Leave the Mrs alone.

Wow - I had no idea that pork was such an aphrodisiac. Hard to believe that banning pigs would result in Utopia.

 

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