Same Scheiss, Different Day

So much for the East German anti-Communist who was supposed to come to the rescue of US-German relations. Merkel: "Mr. Bush, Tear Down This Terrorist Detention Facility.

Just days before her first visit to the United States as chancellor, Germany's Angela Merkel has called the closing of the controversial Guantanamo prison camp.

"An institution like Guantanamo can and should not exist in the longer term," Merkel said in an interview with Spiegel. "Different ways and means must be found for dealing with these prisoners."

Chutzpah.

Let's see. We could expend massive law enforcement and intelligence resources, amass piles of evidence, prosecute them, and then let leftist judges hostile to the US release them. Oh. You tried that. Heh. Well, so have we.

I know: we can drop them off at Ikea, the Swedish Feeding Trough.

The main draw is the price: a hot dog costs €1, a beer €1.30 and apple pie and vanilla sauce 50 cents. [And a liter of Absolut is only €12].

Flocks of people wait outside early every morning in order to storm the buffet at 9 a.m., when the store opens its doors. Long-distance drivers like to use IKEAs as rest stops since most of the stores are easy to see from the highway and are located close to an exit.

"Just fill out a customer feedback form, give your address, write down something unfriendly like, 'I had to wait 30 minutes.' Then you'll get a coupon for breakfast at the store," writes Daniela at a German site, "Frag-Mutti.de" [Ask Mom].

More than food-scroungers, though, IKEA workers fear lazy parents. Around 150 three- to 10-year-olds are deposited daily at the Hamburg-Schnelsen store's play area -- a complimentary offer to allow mom and dad to wander in peace through the showrooms. But many people misuse the service as a free babysitting service. Sometimes moms just set their loved ones down among the colorful balls, with the nursery girl watching -- and hurries to the hairstylist or the tennis court. The desperate store announcements asking the mother to please pick up her screeching child then go unheeded.

Betcha it's better than anything Merkel's got.