In the Public Interest

Brilliant satire. Note, it is satire -- it's hard to tell anymore.

NY Times Special Report

By B. Arnold

WAZIRISTAN—An American soldier, clinging to a cliff face littered with broken shale and animal bones in Waziristan, northwest Pakistan, is currently engaging in direct, unwarranted surveillance of Osama bin Laden, confidential sources have revealed to the New York Times.

The soldier’s conduct raises questions about the Bush administration’s policy of covert surveillance and intelligence gathering in support of his “War on Terror”. Constitutional experts are “troubled” by this and similar unwarranted searches that are designed to gather information on terrorists, but may reveal private information about American citizens instead.

“If there were an American citizen down there sunbathing in that Waziristan village next door to where bin Laden is conferring with his top lieutenants, then the Defense Department would now be passing around her photos,” said Cass Sunstein, a law professor.

Mr. bin Laden, who could not be reached for this interview, is a Saudi-born spiritual leader who, some say, was connected with the attacks on the World Trade Center on Sept. 11, 2001. The attack killed nearly 3000 people, many of them women and minorities. He is currently meeting with twelve lieutenants to discuss a worldwide spiritual initiative set to take place in Jakarta, Addis Ababa, Melbourne, and Houston, Texas on July 11th.

Observing the heavily guarded meeting from about fifty yards away is Lt. Thomas “Turk” Dobrovsky, of Houston. Crouched in a camouflaged “ghillie suit”, Dobrovsky adjusted a concealed antenna in an effort to record snatches of Arabic conversation in the mud meeting hall below. He is partially concealed by a rock outcropping, the one with the two scraggly bushes, but is awkwardly positioned and unable to defend himself. A burst of AK fire or an RPG from the guards below could kill him easily.

When contacted by a New York Times reporter, Lt. Dobrovsky became agitated and waved us away, and made a threatening motion by drawing his finger across his throat. In a climate of jingoism whipped up by talk radio and right-wing internet sites, such threats are not unusual.

Much, much more at the link.

Another World Cup Ad

The U.S. Army's Arabic linguists recruitment ad has some competition from Al Qaeda's PR wing, the Global Islamic Media Front:

Which "Goal" is More Beautiful?
Warning: contains stomach-turning IED footage.

Hmmm. U.S. citizenship, 10,000 clams, and helping kids . . . or slaughtering the sons of apes, monkeys, and pigs? Decisions, decisions.

Define "Snafu"

U.S. Army recruiters use World Cup to attract Arab translators.

"Arab." Not "Arabic."

FORT MEADE, Md. – To promote the Army’s Arabic Translator Interpreter recruitment program, recruiting officials launched an all-Arabic recruitment advertising campaign airing exclusively on Arabic television during the World Cup games.

Since the ad campaign began airing June 9, nearly 160 phone calls have been taken from potential applicants who site [sic] the ad as the reason for calling, according to Chief Warrant Officer 4 Jack Bailey, chief of the Special Missions Recruiting Division.

The ad has so far generated 28 leads from potential applicants who have been pre-screened by call-center operators, Bailey said.

Pleeeease tell me the Army, like Microsoft and Dell, has outsourced their call-centers to India. Centuries of jihad against Hindjooos have given Indians a bigger clue than these PowerPoint Rangers have.

The leads have been forwarded to recruiters for follow-up and further screening. Of those 28 leads, seven were collected June 11, the same day as the Iran-Mexico match.

And this is significant because . . . ? It's just that, umm, Iranians speak Farsi, not Arabic.

If the trend continues, U.S. Army Recruiting Command will amass more than 100 pre-screened applicants by the end of the campaign’s run. Recruiters need approximately 250 09L Soldiers to meet this year's goal.

Geez, maybe they could, you know, go ask all those Sephardic polyglots the FBI turned away after 9/11.

The quest to make contact with the elusive audience began when the 1st Army Recruiting Brigade, headquartered at Fort Meade, Md., held its first-ever 09L Conference in Washington, D.C., last month. Local Arab-American community influencers participated.

D.C.-area "community influencers"? I'd love to cite just one article on the radicalization of D.C. mosques, but there happens to be an entire blog devoted to the subject: Northern Virginiastan.

“The conference became a strategy session looking for ways the Army can get the ‘word’ out to this target audience,” explained Tom Owen, the field marketing representative for McCann-Erickson Worldwide Advertising, assigned to 1st Brigade.

Arab-American community members sent a clear message to the recruiters: If you want to deliver this information to the Arabic speaking community, advertise on what they love to watch –

beheading videos?

- soccer.

Oh. Right. Of course.

The 30-second ad will air 260 times over 64 televised games. Additionally, a separate 10-second spot, primarily to announce the Army’s sponsorship of the World Cup games, will air 540 times.

. . .

The ad features images of 09L Soldiers interacting with Iraqi and Afghan nationals, police and children. Translated to English, the script reads: “I am a bridge between two cultures. I am an American Soldier and an Arabic interpreter. I build schools and bring running water. I make the children smile because I can speak with them. I am making changes in the world. Join me in the Army and you may qualify for a $10,000 bonus and expedited citizenship.

What-what-whaaaat!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

To find out more, go to goarmy.com/translator or call toll-free 866-635-8450.”

The ad can be viewed at http://amcproduction.com/us_army_video.

And then, please buy three copies of anything by Robert Spencer, Bat Ye'or, or Ibn Warraq. Donate one to your nearest ROTC program, one to your nearest recruiting center, and send the third to the dingbats running the Pentagon.